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Because of him you have been on a roller coaster, on again off again and its only been one week Em. Because of him you hurt today at the core of your being. Emotions running high, self esteem issues, confusion, anger and humiliation. Oh yes, all that entices me to want to get back into another relationship. It shouldn't hurt so much to love somebody. You deserve more than this, your kids deserve more than this. Are you making your kids proud by allowing this man to continue this way, have a little more self respect. Could you truly be happy with a spineless cad? I think its much more than his fear of his wife leaving for Mexico with the kids or disappearing in the cover of darkness because he decided to move on. I think he has a comfort zone issue. He claims he has never been shown such love, understanding and warmth as he receives from you, but he then turns around back to her and allows her to dictate how the family will spend time together. Once again allowing the plans the two of you have made to be altered and always at the last minute. This is becoming a pattern. He fears losing the kids, well your kids lost their dad and the life they had known because of him. Why is he so special? If she bolts he does what we all have had to do, take the blow, lay down on the ground and cry through the grass and the trees and pray to heaven on your knees. You keep your dignity in tact and have faith that the situation eventually works itself out. He cannot continue hurting those around him because he is not ready. He has to let one of you go.
Of course as always this is just my opinion standing on the sidelines.
M
My 2001 Ford Focus ZX3 going up in flames is the answer. Yep, thats right, my baby turned into a carbeque on Monday. There I was downtown Atlanta, jamming to Clark Howard, okay thats another part of my pathetic life, when I smell smoke, I diagnosis it as having lost a water pump or hose and needing to pull over. I find a nice little opening next to a fire hydrant, turn off my car and of course say a few choice words. I see the steam and I also see a nice young woman comming towards me yelling 'your car is on fire get out of the car'. I reach for my purse, cigarettes and coffee first, then I grab anything else in reach. By the time I exited the vehicle the entire hood is engulfed. I watch my car burn to a shell, of course the fire department showed, remember, I told you I parked next to the fire hyrdrant...Not much help when the fire is actually next to the bloody thing. I was told to stay and wait for APD to come and write a report. I waited 2.5 hours. I called you and you graciously drove 40 miles to get to me and for that I am grateful. So you are a witness to the officer informing me that they do not write reports for vehicle fires and I could have left 2.5 hours ago. Still he was gracious to call a tow truck and we watched as my baby was hooked up moved and the rest of her shoveled off the street then towed away.
Glad to know my tradgedy produced a blessing of your kids getting to be picked up and entertained for the evening while you assisted me, granted you only stayed at my house for a whole five minutes. So Fernando is worthy of sharing your bed again...Was it not only Sunday we were planning his demise because he was a heartless, insensitive, smoke blowing bloke. I'm telling you Em, he is going to destroy his marriage within the next month because of his infatuation with you. And you are going to violate every rule designed to be in your best interest because you can't keep your hands off of him. And to make matters worse, your husband, remember him?, is sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I understand that most of this is his making, he should not have gone snooping looking for something he was not prepared to find. Still, if he finds out that the two of you are hooking up hot and heavy only a few days after he has left, he may do something stupid. It may be too late if Fernando is commuting back and forth to NC because he can't stand not spending every available moment with you, that tells me it just a matter of time before the wife finds out he is interested in someone else.
My car is gone Em, and to add insult to injury, the garage door where I parked the car snapped a panel this evening. Yep, its a good thing I don't have to open that side anymore. See there is always something good in f-uped situations.
And for petes sake Em, when I call you tomorrow, do not tell me how tired you are, just give me the details, gotta keep the memory of sex fresh in my mind.
M
OK, so I am now allowed to be left alone for short periods of time. My childish behaviour of this weekend has been rectified and actually after issuing a final demand for a visit on Sunday night to discuss my reasons for acting in such a way we seem to have moved forward a little bit.
Sunday night was a little tense to say the least, but once we had our say (with my actually keeping my mouth shut for a change!) we each had a better understanding of what we did and why. Fast forward to Tuesday morning and I again had an early morning visitor. I also didn't have any kids - Melissa needs to pick up that story - so I spent a nice hour or so in bed with Fernando before work. There is nothing like some phenominal sex to start your day off right. We had planned that on Tuesday night Fernando would come and stay over and leave early today to get to NC to visit his parents. I was expecting him at 8.00 pm, but he didn't show up until almost 9.30pm due to "issues" at home. Mainly her asking why he was going alone, why he wouldn't wait until the weekend when they could go together etc, etc. He finally told her that he wanted some alone time and truly didn't want to be stuck in a car with her for 4.5 hours!!! We also had plans for him to leave NC on Friday and spend the entire weekend at my house, but due to some unforeseen circumstances that's not possible.......I did NOT go off the deep end about that either. I expressed my disappointment at not seeing him but he promised to make it up to me :-)
So, he left the house this morning at just after 6.30pm and called me early this afteroon to let me know he had made it. I miss him. I miss him all the time but for some reason he's further away in NC. He jokingly said he would come home and spend tonight with me - I called him on his joke and there is a big possibility he will be here tonigt, drive back to NC tomorrow morning, come back tomorrow night and spend another night with me.
I am getting to old for this. I need more than 3 hours sleep in order to function properly and I have a lot of work waiting for me tomorrow morning.
Anyway, I'm not so sure he will turn up tonight but I guess then I get some beauty sleep and I get to see him tomorrow night :-) :-)
What have you been up to Mel??
Wow Em, if I had known you were having one of your many insecure, I'll show you, moments I would have stayed in touch today. I'm afraid I will have to monitor you more closely. I do not relish a virtual slap for what you have done will be painful enough for you. Do you really want time before Fernando makes a move or do you want him now and too hell with all the consequences that will come with the outing of you two? You are once again sending mixed messages. Do you really think for one minute that he relished telling you that he has plans with his family? I think not, that would bring about PROBLEMS.... Get the picture?
What is so terrible about spending time alone? Hellooooo, you are talking too me, the one that actually got rejected from EHarmony, the one who has seven dogs because God forgot to create that special someone for me. Act your age and stop acting out, its not attractive. If you want Fernando at your beckon call you need to make the rules now, if he cannot accommodate move on, you do have men waiting on the sidelines in case you have forgotten.
My day was uneventful, worked as usual, talked to mom off and on, she was rear ended earlier today, not hurt but I have a feeling her past injuries will pay her a visit tomorrow. Had dinner with Debbie and went to see License to Wed, it was okay, came back to the house and watched two of the Eddie Izzard marathon shows and soon I will prepare my work for Sunday. Figure out want it is you want Em, if you truly love this man you will definitely lose him if you do not grow up.
Hey, I have another idea for a website, some licensing issues are likely to crop up, but I think it is unique enough to gain momentum. You see you and I are extremely relationship challenged, we collectively have seen and done more than most, I think it is time we share the do's and don'ts and if someone does the don'ts, how to recover quickly. Or better yet, how not to become Emily and Melissa. Call me tomorrow, I will be working as usual.
Night Em,
M
