Such a lot of money, such a short space of time!!!

Mel

I am so sad to hear about the vet visit. You and I both understand spending thousands on our fur babies. I just hope that her recovery time is uneventful and like my fur baby she is better and stronger after the surgery. As for the new bedroom suite - IKEA!!!! Not to advertise for anyone, but I just LOVE that place. Fancy a road trip??? I guess we'd have to take your son in order to accomodate his wishes. but then again you could just have him pick it out of the catalogue and we could go and have some fun!!!!!!!

I know you want to know more, but there's not much more to tell. I had a surprise visitor on Friday morning - at 4.45am. Can you believe that?? Who the hell is up at that time in the morning?? I have to tell you the sneaky way he got out of the house - he set the clock forward an hour.....LOL. I guess he was too excited to sleep and kept waking up to see the time. Eventually at 4.30am he couldn't take it anymore and changed the clock. She woke up enough to ask him to re-set the alarm. Not only did he get up and hour early, so did she....LOL. Funny thing is she hasn't said anything to him about it yet. Is she too stupid to notice, or does she just not care enough to say anything?? I don't care either way to be honest I got a great morning workout (twice) and it set the tone for a great day :-) :-) I used to hate sex in the morning, but I guess you take it when you can get it when you are having an affair. Fernando certainly is great at recovering :-) Maybe there are some good points to a younger man!!

I had another surprise visit this morning too, but this at a more social 7.30am. I hadn't been up long so I wasn't really functioning well but it went well. Obviously the kids were up so it was a fairly hands off visit. Again, I thought it had set the tone for a great day but it wasn't to be :-(

It's a stupid argument and I am sure I am going to get a virtual slap over this, but we were discussing tonight. I asked him if he thought he could get away for an hour or two. I suggested he call a mutual friend who would alibi him for a night out. He said "OK, I will call R" Silly me, why on earth did I think he actually meant "OK, I will call R".

Unfortuntaly I found out the difference while I was shopping at Walmart, standing in the beer aisle wondering if I should pick him up a six pack. I called and asked him if he thought he could truly get away tonight. His answer "to be honest I don't know" WTF???? I thought you were calling R to get an alibi and I was looking forward to spending some time with you - alone!!! In my usual adult fashion I got the ass and hung up the phone. I have an inability to behave like an adult when I am pissed off. I did eventually call him back and attempt to discuss things in a more reasonable fashion but it didn't last long. What he had actually meant to say is "WE have plans to take my daughters out, I may be able to get away after that, but it would have to be a very brief visit".

So, if that was the deal why the f*** didn't you just say that??? We have had numerous conversations about the fact that the kids come first period. There is no fighting over time missed together because either one of us is with the kids. Why not just tell me the sodding truth. I would have been disappointed yes, but I understand having made a promise to your kids to go and do something to. I would NEVER voice my disappointment if he had told me what he was doing. What an asshole. I was so pissed that I hung up the phone - again. See the devloping pattern here. He called back numerous times and I just kept hanging up the phone. Shit I am beyond childish but it made me feel better :-)

At the end of the day our argument was not resolved. I later calmed down enough to explain that I felt like he was blowing smoke up my butt, and in fact he should have just been truthful about his plans and he would have had no crap from me whatsoever. I told him he needed to start learning to tell the truth to at least one person in his life.

So here I sit - alone!!!! Yeah, I am pissed off, yeah I have yelled at the kids - and don't feel any better, yeah I cleaned my house, yeah I killed some weeds - but I am still alone. How hard is it to leave the house?? She gave him a greenlight to do what he wants, so take the bitch for her word and leave. Take care of your promises to your children - and leave!!!!

Oh hell, I'm going to finish this glass of wine and go to bed. I'm sure he will be suitable contrite on Monday and hopefully my mood will have improved.

Be gentle - I don't really want a virtual slap, or an "I told you so" I want honesty from him - just not from you......LOL.

Talk later!!!!

Emily xo

GET THE SPARE BEDROOM READY

I've told you before and I am telling you again, get that spare bedroom ready. He is not going to be able to live with his wife knowing that the obstacle called your husband is out of the way. Fernando is so into you and you are a 180 compared to his wife that there is no way this hunk o hunk of Spanish loins is going to go home and not think of ways to disappear. It's happening Em. Ready or not he is coming your way and so are all of the consequences surrounding this affair. I have no advice to give at this time because I have other issues. Life has dealt me a future 3K surgery bill for my boxer. My daughter is sending my other daughter her car from California to the tune of 2K. My son, who has fled the fluctuating estrogen laden house, would like for me to make good his birthday promise of a new bedroom suite to the tune of at least 2K when you add the mattress. My brother and I can not seem to agree on the corporate structure of our new venture which could mean that I will end up funding this little project of 12K on my own. I got issues and to make matters worse I am beginning to loathe the avenue which produces the income that makes all the above reachable. We can not lose site of our dream to be totally independent of others for our financial security, we must focus and create. Besides, its not fair, you have a revolving door in the love department, and me, hell, I haven't been able to get a date in nine years. So, once again I say "TELL ME MORE".
Melissa

I know, I know, I know!

Mel - thanks for the reality check. I knew it was coming too.......LOL. I don't want to talk about that though, I want to tell you about coffee!!!!!

So, it happened just the way I thought it would albeit not a 6am. He called me at 7.25am and arrived about 7.30am. I had not showered or dressed as I had been hanging out watching cartoons with the kids. This was the first time he had ever seen me first thing in the morning, straight out of my bed (it's not a pretty sight either!) He didn't run screaming, but grabbed me in a big bear hug, gently kissed me (yes I brushed my teeth!) and told me "Good morning beautiful". The perfect start to the day!

The kids were pumped to see Fernando, as they always are, and we just hung out, chatted, drank coffee and played with the kids. They were with us for most of the time and we did VERY well and kept our hands off each other! They did go upstairs to play on the computer at one point so we seized the opportunity and we made out like two teenagers.....LOL. I knew he would eventually have to go though as he had said to her he was going to work for a couple of hours. So, he left at about 10.30am. I hated to see him go and he said multiple times that he didn't want to go, he would rather hang out with us for the day, but we all know that's not feasible at this point in time. Plus the kids and I had plans for the afternoon anyway which I wasn't going to cancel.

So in summary - I had a relaxing morning, spending time with the people I care about, enjoying the time we got to spend together.

Now I know I have to respond to your reality check but you know I have to wait until I am home with a huge mug of coffee before I can tackle that one.

More later!

KNOCK KNOCK REALITY CHECK

That was beautifully written Emily, I almost developed a tear. Oh to be in love, how everything seems so new and exciting. There is nothing familiar about that warm body reaching out to you during those moments when the eyes of the world are looking away. Those stolen moments or even hours, how precious they are few and far between and only then is all attention focused on you. Wow, how incredibly awesome is that, too be the center of this mans universe and of course he is yours. But wait, have we forgotten...surely not...could it be...why yes thats right the two of you have other lives, lives that at this moment are in the process of being catapulted to the depths of emotional hell. Your husband left today a shattered man, and in the dimming twilight of his life this is a bitch of a place to be. I will give him credit realizing that he could not win in this competition he exited left so Fernando could enter right stage. Keep in mind Em, that he will be watching, waiting and relishing in the thought that you are giving everything up for this man and life will take him away.
So here is the deal Em, you cannot mess this one up there is more at stake here than losing a great lay. Fernando is in the process of ending his marriage, between the two of you there are four little kids that quite frankly deserve better and are going to be on a emotional roller coaster when the family becomes blended. You could be talking years of therapy or some hefty bail postings later on. You cannot rush into this relationship with out truly giving yourself time to find out why it is you continue to do this too yourself.
Are you ready Em for the BS coming your way? He has a wife who is not going to go away just because the judge signs a few papers. Her games are going to be incredibly creative and instigated whenever she gets the yearning to interfere with your little love nest.
I wish I could envy you, but I cannot, for I see the drama being played out in the near future. You may be ready in your heart for all of this, but is Fernando ready? For if you truly love this man mind body and soul, you are opening yourself up to becoming me and I would not wish that on anyone. You see, I still love a man who hurt me to the core of my being, who never looked back or gave me anything to base closure on. Nine years later I would rather be alone than go through that again. Rejection affects people in many different ways, you never know, be careful with the innocent for they will never forget you.

My husband left me today.

I wonder why? Oh, that's right I had an affair! Is that a good reason? I think so, who can blame him. To be honest I did stop the affair when I was caught the first time round but something pushed me back into Fernando's arms. An overwhelming connection between us? The need to feel appreciated for who and what I am? An escape from my mundane life? Not really - he's hot as hell and phenomenal in bed!!

I'm like an elephant - I never forget! That one night is burned in my memory and I couldn't help but want more. I stayed away for over a year and I worked right along side him without acting on a single impulse (of which I had many!) I behaved myself and vowed to right my wrong, to become a good and loving wife, to become "perfect". I failed miserably! Failing has been an incredible journey, an incredible learning experience and so much bloody fun that I have decided to share my "story". Even as I type the story is still unfolding. The twists and turns are terrifying, electrifying, exciting, eye opening and better than any soap opera I have found.

However, it's very late I have an early morning coffee date with Fernando. He should be here by 6am. Husband leaves at 10am, Fernando is here less than 24 hours later. Callous? Yes! Insensitive? Absolutely! Deliciously exciting? Without a doubt!