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God has 7 days really passed so quickly?? I guess so!
It has been a very busy 7 days - all around busy.
Fernando and I have reached an understanding. I won't let his actions bring my self esteem down and he needs to shit or get off the pot basically! We've spent some time together, mainly in the mornings while he is supposed to be working out, which have of course meant some fabulous morning sex (not previously a favourite of mine!) Technically he is working out, just not in the gym.....LOL. We've had some interesting discussions about what the future holds, should hold, shouldn't hold etc, etc. You know the conversations you have in every new relationship.
We had some interesting issues at work also, mainly the third person in our office has referred to me in some pretty unfair terms and he was really pissed about it. Whatever she says is fine with me. I was a bit touchy about it, but a quick intervention and I realised it's just not worth it (thanks mel!!!!!!)
All in all things are ticking along nicely. Fernando is getting tired of the bullshit, he hates to leave me if he comes over to see us, and I think he will eventually make his move. I think sooner rather than later if his mood continues in the way it has been. His desire to spend more time with me will eventually override his fear about her leaving with the kids. Hmmm, I guess we shall wait and see. I have a sneaky suspicion that Mel is going to be able to give me a huge big "I TOLD YOU SO" in the not too distant future, but I'll post about that when the times comes.....LOL. Now that will be a post worth waiting for :-)
Emily xxx
Because of him you have been on a roller coaster, on again off again and its only been one week Em. Because of him you hurt today at the core of your being. Emotions running high, self esteem issues, confusion, anger and humiliation. Oh yes, all that entices me to want to get back into another relationship. It shouldn't hurt so much to love somebody. You deserve more than this, your kids deserve more than this. Are you making your kids proud by allowing this man to continue this way, have a little more self respect. Could you truly be happy with a spineless cad? I think its much more than his fear of his wife leaving for Mexico with the kids or disappearing in the cover of darkness because he decided to move on. I think he has a comfort zone issue. He claims he has never been shown such love, understanding and warmth as he receives from you, but he then turns around back to her and allows her to dictate how the family will spend time together. Once again allowing the plans the two of you have made to be altered and always at the last minute. This is becoming a pattern. He fears losing the kids, well your kids lost their dad and the life they had known because of him. Why is he so special? If she bolts he does what we all have had to do, take the blow, lay down on the ground and cry through the grass and the trees and pray to heaven on your knees. You keep your dignity in tact and have faith that the situation eventually works itself out. He cannot continue hurting those around him because he is not ready. He has to let one of you go.
Of course as always this is just my opinion standing on the sidelines.
M
My 2001 Ford Focus ZX3 going up in flames is the answer. Yep, thats right, my baby turned into a carbeque on Monday. There I was downtown Atlanta, jamming to Clark Howard, okay thats another part of my pathetic life, when I smell smoke, I diagnosis it as having lost a water pump or hose and needing to pull over. I find a nice little opening next to a fire hydrant, turn off my car and of course say a few choice words. I see the steam and I also see a nice young woman comming towards me yelling 'your car is on fire get out of the car'. I reach for my purse, cigarettes and coffee first, then I grab anything else in reach. By the time I exited the vehicle the entire hood is engulfed. I watch my car burn to a shell, of course the fire department showed, remember, I told you I parked next to the fire hyrdrant...Not much help when the fire is actually next to the bloody thing. I was told to stay and wait for APD to come and write a report. I waited 2.5 hours. I called you and you graciously drove 40 miles to get to me and for that I am grateful. So you are a witness to the officer informing me that they do not write reports for vehicle fires and I could have left 2.5 hours ago. Still he was gracious to call a tow truck and we watched as my baby was hooked up moved and the rest of her shoveled off the street then towed away.
Glad to know my tradgedy produced a blessing of your kids getting to be picked up and entertained for the evening while you assisted me, granted you only stayed at my house for a whole five minutes. So Fernando is worthy of sharing your bed again...Was it not only Sunday we were planning his demise because he was a heartless, insensitive, smoke blowing bloke. I'm telling you Em, he is going to destroy his marriage within the next month because of his infatuation with you. And you are going to violate every rule designed to be in your best interest because you can't keep your hands off of him. And to make matters worse, your husband, remember him?, is sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I understand that most of this is his making, he should not have gone snooping looking for something he was not prepared to find. Still, if he finds out that the two of you are hooking up hot and heavy only a few days after he has left, he may do something stupid. It may be too late if Fernando is commuting back and forth to NC because he can't stand not spending every available moment with you, that tells me it just a matter of time before the wife finds out he is interested in someone else.
My car is gone Em, and to add insult to injury, the garage door where I parked the car snapped a panel this evening. Yep, its a good thing I don't have to open that side anymore. See there is always something good in f-uped situations.
And for petes sake Em, when I call you tomorrow, do not tell me how tired you are, just give me the details, gotta keep the memory of sex fresh in my mind.
M
OK, so I am now allowed to be left alone for short periods of time. My childish behaviour of this weekend has been rectified and actually after issuing a final demand for a visit on Sunday night to discuss my reasons for acting in such a way we seem to have moved forward a little bit.
Sunday night was a little tense to say the least, but once we had our say (with my actually keeping my mouth shut for a change!) we each had a better understanding of what we did and why. Fast forward to Tuesday morning and I again had an early morning visitor. I also didn't have any kids - Melissa needs to pick up that story - so I spent a nice hour or so in bed with Fernando before work. There is nothing like some phenominal sex to start your day off right. We had planned that on Tuesday night Fernando would come and stay over and leave early today to get to NC to visit his parents. I was expecting him at 8.00 pm, but he didn't show up until almost 9.30pm due to "issues" at home. Mainly her asking why he was going alone, why he wouldn't wait until the weekend when they could go together etc, etc. He finally told her that he wanted some alone time and truly didn't want to be stuck in a car with her for 4.5 hours!!! We also had plans for him to leave NC on Friday and spend the entire weekend at my house, but due to some unforeseen circumstances that's not possible.......I did NOT go off the deep end about that either. I expressed my disappointment at not seeing him but he promised to make it up to me :-)
So, he left the house this morning at just after 6.30pm and called me early this afteroon to let me know he had made it. I miss him. I miss him all the time but for some reason he's further away in NC. He jokingly said he would come home and spend tonight with me - I called him on his joke and there is a big possibility he will be here tonigt, drive back to NC tomorrow morning, come back tomorrow night and spend another night with me.
I am getting to old for this. I need more than 3 hours sleep in order to function properly and I have a lot of work waiting for me tomorrow morning.
Anyway, I'm not so sure he will turn up tonight but I guess then I get some beauty sleep and I get to see him tomorrow night :-) :-)
What have you been up to Mel??
Wow Em, if I had known you were having one of your many insecure, I'll show you, moments I would have stayed in touch today. I'm afraid I will have to monitor you more closely. I do not relish a virtual slap for what you have done will be painful enough for you. Do you really want time before Fernando makes a move or do you want him now and too hell with all the consequences that will come with the outing of you two? You are once again sending mixed messages. Do you really think for one minute that he relished telling you that he has plans with his family? I think not, that would bring about PROBLEMS.... Get the picture?
What is so terrible about spending time alone? Hellooooo, you are talking too me, the one that actually got rejected from EHarmony, the one who has seven dogs because God forgot to create that special someone for me. Act your age and stop acting out, its not attractive. If you want Fernando at your beckon call you need to make the rules now, if he cannot accommodate move on, you do have men waiting on the sidelines in case you have forgotten.
My day was uneventful, worked as usual, talked to mom off and on, she was rear ended earlier today, not hurt but I have a feeling her past injuries will pay her a visit tomorrow. Had dinner with Debbie and went to see License to Wed, it was okay, came back to the house and watched two of the Eddie Izzard marathon shows and soon I will prepare my work for Sunday. Figure out want it is you want Em, if you truly love this man you will definitely lose him if you do not grow up.
Hey, I have another idea for a website, some licensing issues are likely to crop up, but I think it is unique enough to gain momentum. You see you and I are extremely relationship challenged, we collectively have seen and done more than most, I think it is time we share the do's and don'ts and if someone does the don'ts, how to recover quickly. Or better yet, how not to become Emily and Melissa. Call me tomorrow, I will be working as usual.
Night Em,
M
Mel
I am so sad to hear about the vet visit. You and I both understand spending thousands on our fur babies. I just hope that her recovery time is uneventful and like my fur baby she is better and stronger after the surgery. As for the new bedroom suite - IKEA!!!! Not to advertise for anyone, but I just LOVE that place. Fancy a road trip??? I guess we'd have to take your son in order to accomodate his wishes. but then again you could just have him pick it out of the catalogue and we could go and have some fun!!!!!!!
I know you want to know more, but there's not much more to tell. I had a surprise visitor on Friday morning - at 4.45am. Can you believe that?? Who the hell is up at that time in the morning?? I have to tell you the sneaky way he got out of the house - he set the clock forward an hour.....LOL. I guess he was too excited to sleep and kept waking up to see the time. Eventually at 4.30am he couldn't take it anymore and changed the clock. She woke up enough to ask him to re-set the alarm. Not only did he get up and hour early, so did she....LOL. Funny thing is she hasn't said anything to him about it yet. Is she too stupid to notice, or does she just not care enough to say anything?? I don't care either way to be honest I got a great morning workout (twice) and it set the tone for a great day :-) :-) I used to hate sex in the morning, but I guess you take it when you can get it when you are having an affair. Fernando certainly is great at recovering :-) Maybe there are some good points to a younger man!!
I had another surprise visit this morning too, but this at a more social 7.30am. I hadn't been up long so I wasn't really functioning well but it went well. Obviously the kids were up so it was a fairly hands off visit. Again, I thought it had set the tone for a great day but it wasn't to be :-(
It's a stupid argument and I am sure I am going to get a virtual slap over this, but we were discussing tonight. I asked him if he thought he could get away for an hour or two. I suggested he call a mutual friend who would alibi him for a night out. He said "OK, I will call R" Silly me, why on earth did I think he actually meant "OK, I will call R".
Unfortuntaly I found out the difference while I was shopping at Walmart, standing in the beer aisle wondering if I should pick him up a six pack. I called and asked him if he thought he could truly get away tonight. His answer "to be honest I don't know" WTF???? I thought you were calling R to get an alibi and I was looking forward to spending some time with you - alone!!! In my usual adult fashion I got the ass and hung up the phone. I have an inability to behave like an adult when I am pissed off. I did eventually call him back and attempt to discuss things in a more reasonable fashion but it didn't last long. What he had actually meant to say is "WE have plans to take my daughters out, I may be able to get away after that, but it would have to be a very brief visit".
So, if that was the deal why the f*** didn't you just say that??? We have had numerous conversations about the fact that the kids come first period. There is no fighting over time missed together because either one of us is with the kids. Why not just tell me the sodding truth. I would have been disappointed yes, but I understand having made a promise to your kids to go and do something to. I would NEVER voice my disappointment if he had told me what he was doing. What an asshole. I was so pissed that I hung up the phone - again. See the devloping pattern here. He called back numerous times and I just kept hanging up the phone. Shit I am beyond childish but it made me feel better :-)
At the end of the day our argument was not resolved. I later calmed down enough to explain that I felt like he was blowing smoke up my butt, and in fact he should have just been truthful about his plans and he would have had no crap from me whatsoever. I told him he needed to start learning to tell the truth to at least one person in his life.
So here I sit - alone!!!! Yeah, I am pissed off, yeah I have yelled at the kids - and don't feel any better, yeah I cleaned my house, yeah I killed some weeds - but I am still alone. How hard is it to leave the house?? She gave him a greenlight to do what he wants, so take the bitch for her word and leave. Take care of your promises to your children - and leave!!!!
Oh hell, I'm going to finish this glass of wine and go to bed. I'm sure he will be suitable contrite on Monday and hopefully my mood will have improved.
Be gentle - I don't really want a virtual slap, or an "I told you so" I want honesty from him - just not from you......LOL.
Talk later!!!!
Emily xo
I've told you before and I am telling you again, get that spare bedroom ready. He is not going to be able to live with his wife knowing that the obstacle called your husband is out of the way. Fernando is so into you and you are a 180 compared to his wife that there is no way this hunk o hunk of Spanish loins is going to go home and not think of ways to disappear. It's happening Em. Ready or not he is coming your way and so are all of the consequences surrounding this affair. I have no advice to give at this time because I have other issues. Life has dealt me a future 3K surgery bill for my boxer. My daughter is sending my other daughter her car from California to the tune of 2K. My son, who has fled the fluctuating estrogen laden house, would like for me to make good his birthday promise of a new bedroom suite to the tune of at least 2K when you add the mattress. My brother and I can not seem to agree on the corporate structure of our new venture which could mean that I will end up funding this little project of 12K on my own. I got issues and to make matters worse I am beginning to loathe the avenue which produces the income that makes all the above reachable. We can not lose site of our dream to be totally independent of others for our financial security, we must focus and create. Besides, its not fair, you have a revolving door in the love department, and me, hell, I haven't been able to get a date in nine years. So, once again I say "TELL ME MORE".
Melissa
Mel - thanks for the reality check. I knew it was coming too.......LOL. I don't want to talk about that though, I want to tell you about coffee!!!!!
So, it happened just the way I thought it would albeit not a 6am. He called me at 7.25am and arrived about 7.30am. I had not showered or dressed as I had been hanging out watching cartoons with the kids. This was the first time he had ever seen me first thing in the morning, straight out of my bed (it's not a pretty sight either!) He didn't run screaming, but grabbed me in a big bear hug, gently kissed me (yes I brushed my teeth!) and told me "Good morning beautiful". The perfect start to the day!
The kids were pumped to see Fernando, as they always are, and we just hung out, chatted, drank coffee and played with the kids. They were with us for most of the time and we did VERY well and kept our hands off each other! They did go upstairs to play on the computer at one point so we seized the opportunity and we made out like two teenagers.....LOL. I knew he would eventually have to go though as he had said to her he was going to work for a couple of hours. So, he left at about 10.30am. I hated to see him go and he said multiple times that he didn't want to go, he would rather hang out with us for the day, but we all know that's not feasible at this point in time. Plus the kids and I had plans for the afternoon anyway which I wasn't going to cancel.
So in summary - I had a relaxing morning, spending time with the people I care about, enjoying the time we got to spend together.
Now I know I have to respond to your reality check but you know I have to wait until I am home with a huge mug of coffee before I can tackle that one.
More later!
That was beautifully written Emily, I almost developed a tear. Oh to be in love, how everything seems so new and exciting. There is nothing familiar about that warm body reaching out to you during those moments when the eyes of the world are looking away. Those stolen moments or even hours, how precious they are few and far between and only then is all attention focused on you. Wow, how incredibly awesome is that, too be the center of this mans universe and of course he is yours. But wait, have we forgotten...surely not...could it be...why yes thats right the two of you have other lives, lives that at this moment are in the process of being catapulted to the depths of emotional hell. Your husband left today a shattered man, and in the dimming twilight of his life this is a bitch of a place to be. I will give him credit realizing that he could not win in this competition he exited left so Fernando could enter right stage. Keep in mind Em, that he will be watching, waiting and relishing in the thought that you are giving everything up for this man and life will take him away.
So here is the deal Em, you cannot mess this one up there is more at stake here than losing a great lay. Fernando is in the process of ending his marriage, between the two of you there are four little kids that quite frankly deserve better and are going to be on a emotional roller coaster when the family becomes blended. You could be talking years of therapy or some hefty bail postings later on. You cannot rush into this relationship with out truly giving yourself time to find out why it is you continue to do this too yourself.
Are you ready Em for the BS coming your way? He has a wife who is not going to go away just because the judge signs a few papers. Her games are going to be incredibly creative and instigated whenever she gets the yearning to interfere with your little love nest.
I wish I could envy you, but I cannot, for I see the drama being played out in the near future. You may be ready in your heart for all of this, but is Fernando ready? For if you truly love this man mind body and soul, you are opening yourself up to becoming me and I would not wish that on anyone. You see, I still love a man who hurt me to the core of my being, who never looked back or gave me anything to base closure on. Nine years later I would rather be alone than go through that again. Rejection affects people in many different ways, you never know, be careful with the innocent for they will never forget you.
I wonder why? Oh, that's right I had an affair! Is that a good reason? I think so, who can blame him. To be honest I did stop the affair when I was caught the first time round but something pushed me back into Fernando's arms. An overwhelming connection between us? The need to feel appreciated for who and what I am? An escape from my mundane life? Not really - he's hot as hell and phenomenal in bed!!
I'm like an elephant - I never forget! That one night is burned in my memory and I couldn't help but want more. I stayed away for over a year and I worked right along side him without acting on a single impulse (of which I had many!) I behaved myself and vowed to right my wrong, to become a good and loving wife, to become "perfect". I failed miserably! Failing has been an incredible journey, an incredible learning experience and so much bloody fun that I have decided to share my "story". Even as I type the story is still unfolding. The twists and turns are terrifying, electrifying, exciting, eye opening and better than any soap opera I have found.
However, it's very late I have an early morning coffee date with Fernando. He should be here by 6am. Husband leaves at 10am, Fernando is here less than 24 hours later. Callous? Yes! Insensitive? Absolutely! Deliciously exciting? Without a doubt!
